


Better Swim Before You Drown

by starkboi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Fix-It, M/M, Mostly Canon Compliant, POV Tony Stark, Panic Attacks, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Songfic, Texting, Tony Stark Feels, i've switched up the timeline a bit, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-02 18:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10950345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkboi/pseuds/starkboi
Summary: Every time he looks at his hands, he’s thrown back into that bunker in Siberia. His mind flashes in memories of Steve, a constant loop of SteveSteveSteve. So, Tony drinks and he ignores Pepper’s calls, and lets himself ache for something that never was.-Also known as some more Post-CW Stony angst, inspired by Harry Styles' debut album.





	1. Meet Me In The Hallway

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to take a shot at my own post-civil war fix it.
> 
> enjoy!

 

_I just left your bedroom, give me some morphine, is there any more to do?_

Avoiding, capital A, is something Tony has had several years of practice in. Spending his childhood avoiding his father’s harsh words and his mother’s pitiful stares, to learning to avert his gaze every time he catches the sight of running water after Afghanistan. Hell, even dodging Pepper’s pleads to care more about his wellbeing then this world they live in, that eventually being the source of their break up among other things.

So, it’s ironically hysterical that he’s ended up here because he was trying to avoid having the Avengers be the cause of any more detrimental chaos. The accords we’re going to be the first step towards that goal, at least that’s what he had thought. Instead all it got him was a broken suit, a broken team, and an even more broken heart.

 

-

 

When Tony awoke in the hospital after Siberia, he wanted to believe that it had all been a bad dream, a figment of his wildly cruel imagination. The bruises on his chest and face told a different story.

“Glad to see you’re not dead, now I can have the pleasure of killing you myself.”

Tony turns his head to the sound, Rhodey sitting to his right, in a hospital acquired wheelchair. He swallows down the guilt that crawls up his throat looking at the man next to him, the memory of watching his best friend fall helplessly to the ground, in a suit that he made. Steeling himself, Tony pushes down the ache in his chest and flashes his signature smirk.

“C’mon Sourpatch, you know that you love me too much to kill me, who else would provide you with endless hours of entertainment?”

Rhodey doesn’t even blink, not believing a word of the fake bravado Tony’s trying to project. Instead giving him a blank look, and waiting not so patiently for Tony to cut the bullshit.

Tony sighs and looks down at his hands, they’re calloused and scarred from years of engineering and various sleep deprived mishaps in his workshop. Made to look strong when they’re anything but, much like his own psyche. The same hands that we’re encased in the suits gloves that were last used to fight St- Tony squeezes his eyes shut tight, not even wanting to open that box yet.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I just wanted to protect the world Rhodey. No one else should die if it can be avoided, what’s so wrong about that?” Lot’s apparently. Tony throws his head back to the stiff pillow beneath him.

“Tones, you know I’m on your side, and yeah this sucks, this is a bad beat. But I haven’t changed my mind, at least not yet.”

Tony huffs out a halfhearted laugh, he’s glad he still has Rhodey by his side especially after being so close to losing him. It’s hard not to think about what he has lost though, about the people who should still be at his side, they were supposed to be together. He never should have let himself get attached, when had he not been abandoned in his life, and why did it hurt so much more this time?

 

-

 

The weeks following his release from the hospital, Tony’s bruises may have faded but he can still feel them, bone deep. He doesn’t know what spurred him to move back into the compound, or he’s just not admitting it to himself. Being back in the space he shared with his team, turned friends (turned family) and it now being empty, is not an easy pill to swallow. He’s sent Vision away, letting him hunker down in the Tower for the time being. To be frank, he couldn’t deal with the voice of JARVIS echoing around him, that wound may have scarred over, but it’s still festering underneath his skin. Much like the ache that surrounds him when he thinks of Steve.

Steve.

The one thing he could never avoid was Steve. From the day they met arguing on the Triskelion, two fuses ready to blow. Steve was everything his father made him out to be, and completely not. Howard never mentioned how self-righteous Captain America was, only stories about how extraordinarily strong he was and the bravery he had to take on Hydra by himself, never mentioning his weaknesses. Or just his one weakness, Bucky fucking Barnes.

He takes a swig out of the bottle of whiskey in his hand, he can’t be sober while thinking of this.

He’s currently seated in what was once the common room of the compound, now it being the place where he can drink, wallow and pass out, exactly in that order.

Tony wants to create; he wants to engineer his ass off.

Except every time he looks at his hands, he’s thrown back into that bunker in Siberia. His mind flashes in memories of Steve, a constant loop of _SteveSteveSteve_. So, Tony drinks and he ignores Pepper’s calls, and lets himself ache for something that never was.

 

-

 

Tony receives The Letter exactly a month after Siberia.

He gets so incredibly wasted he doesn’t wake up until the next afternoon.

His first thought, after he’s had a much-needed shower and two cups of coffee is; burn it. Wondering if it will be as sinful as burning an American Flag, he is always up for a lil controversy. Maybe he’ll find an old piece of stationery and Zodiac Killer one back to his dear old Captain. Knowing the reference will go right over his head, Clint would probably get a kick out of it though. He gets a bitter taste in his mouth at that, and instead throws the letter and the sad excuse of a cell phone onto the couch, promptly walking away to have another cup of coffee.

Except Steve’s words wrap around him, and he can’t shake them off no matter how hard he tries. What did Steve mean by he never fit in anywhere, the Avengers were where all of them fit in. Sure, they argued and butt heads, but that’s what family did. He never wanted this to happen, he wanted the exact opposite of this to happen, and how many times did he try to get Steve to just _talk_ about it.

He should have tried harder, but it probably wouldn’t have been any use anyways.

 

-

 

Another week passes and by the end of it Tony decides he needs to start working on his new suit. The old one is sitting in a box in the mansion, where he keeps the rest of his 40 some years’ worth of emotional baggage.

“Good Afternoon, Sir.” FRIDAY greets him as he enters the workshop. He hasn’t been back here since before the mess of the accords, and everything is exactly where he’s left it. How can he feel so changed and yet nothing is different at all?

He takes one more look around the cluttered room, and pushes the memories away.

“FRIDAY, pull up the schematics for the Mark 47.”

 

-

 

Tony’s not very surprised he’s ended up here, standing outside the door to Steve’s room – if it can even be called that still.

He had just finished up in the workshop, letting FRIDAY get to work putting a fresh coat of paint on his new suit. Tony had intended to go straight to bed, needing a reprieve after the long hours spent deep in code. He was on his way to the staircase leading to his suite, when he passed by the door of his old Captain’s room. He’s never been inside, not even before everything went to hell. Tony might be curious (some might call it nosy), but he firmly believes in someone’s personal space staying that way.

But it’s half past three in the morning and he’s feeling a little reckless.

It’s his compound and since everyone else decided to abandon it, Tony vetoes any fuck he gives about invading privacy and closes his fist around the knob.

It’s not entirely what he expects of Steve’s room. The bed is unmade and the sheets thrown back as if Steve had been in a hurry. Tony tries not to think about why. The air is still around him as he enters the room, his eyes immediately catching on a shelf in the corner holding a few frames. Pictures of Steve before the serum, of the Howling Commando’s, of…Steve and Bucky side by side goofy smiles on their faces. Tony turns away, ready to leave the room. He should have known this would just put him in a shit mood.

But he pauses when he spots it.

He’s not sure if he’s imagining this or not. Wouldn't be surprising if he’s officially lost it now.

Steve’s shield was propped up behind the half ajar door against the wall. Placed purposefully so if you just peeked in, you’d completely miss it.

Natasha had insisted on helping him move back into the compound, despite his wishes. This was no doubt her handiwork. He’ll have to call up Jane Bond herself, and give her a piece of his mind for sneaking this past him.

For now, Tony reaches out to move the damn thing.

His fingertips barely touch the cold surface when he’s thrown back into a memory.

 

-

 

_Tony’s back hits the bunker’s unforgiving concrete, he’s not quick enough before Steve is over him, the shield high above him before it comes crashing down onto his faceplate repeatedly._

_Tony gasps as Steve tears the suit’s helmet off. He sees Steve raise the shield again, his arms instinctively fly up, repulsors aimed straight at Steve’s face. But Tony can’t fire- or he won’t._

_Tony accepts his fate as Steve brings the shield down. He trusted this man so much, but in this moment his heart breaks._

_The man that he loves, the only man he’s ever loved, is about to kill him._

_But Steve changes his direction at last minute and grinds his shield down into the reactor of his suit, and Tony can feel it crushing his chest beneath._

_Steve rips his shield out, and doesn’t even glance back as he helps Bucky up to his feet._

_Somehow this hurts worse than the pain blossoming in Tony’s chest, so he bites out something bitter and petty to cover up the betrayal he’s experiencing._

_Steve drops the shield, and the loud thud echoed through him._

 

_-_

 

He can hear his heart pounding in his ears.

Tony fumbles forward and trips to the floor, the shield falls with him and the noise it makes sends a tremor down his spine.

His fingers have gone numb, and Tony’s sure he’s dying.

This is it, he’s going to die because he can’t breathe and he’s not even sure where he is.

He rolls onto his back and chokes out a call to FRIDAY.

“Sir, it is currently 3:47 A.M. and you are in the Avengers Facility in New York.”

Tony grounds himself and it may take him ten more minutes before he’s able to breathe normally and attempt to stand, but he manages.

With one last look at the shield, now flat on the floor in the middle of the room, Tony slams the door shut behind him.

He sets out for his original destination but bypasses his bed, and heads straight for the expensive whiskey he stashes in his nightstand.

Tony slumps down onto the floor his back against the bed, and takes a long drink out of the bottle. Ignoring his shaking hands, he tells Friday to cut the lights.

He can’t do this shit anymore.

Tomorrow he tells himself, tomorrow he’ll get it together.

For now, Tony lets himself have one more night to sink into this empty feeling in his chest, and hope for better days.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: lyrics belong to Harry Styles, i'm just inserting them here to be emo to.
> 
> i appreciate any and all forms of feedback.


	2. Sign Of The Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers gets called in on a mission, drama ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the comments and kudos on the first chapter.
> 
> mission fic is not my forte, so i made it vague on purpose.
> 
> but it's definitely not the main focus here, i hope you enjoy!

_We never learn we’ve been here before, why are we always stuck and running from the bullets?_

For Tony to start moving on he needs a distraction. Preferably one not inside of a bottle. Let’s ignore the fact that he’s nursing one hell of a hangover right now though. Being on the wrong side of forty with a drinking problem is the last thing he needs.

So, he’ll throw himself head first into the one thing that’s been a constant his whole life.

Engineering.

Tony didn't go to MIT studying electrical engineering for nothing, if not for something to engross himself into while avoiding the outside world and the feelings that come with it.

But science? Tony Stark can never ignore science.

Tasking himself to the top priority on his list of projects; adjustments to Rhodey’s braces.

Tony has FRIDAY throw some music on, a little mind numbingly loud rock at 8am never hurt nobody.

And away he goes.

 

-

 

It’s well into the afternoon when Tony’s just finishing up on the latest upgrades on some small projects for SI that Pepper insisted in several emails had to be done before the end of the week, or they’ll lose a chance to patent.

It’s very mundane in his opinion, but him and Pepper are successfully working past the awkward “The CEO of the company I own dumped me” phase and Tony would rather not muck that up.

Tony sends off the completed email to her, and gets ready to pull up schematics for the newest Quinjet he’ll be building, when he hears the ring indicating he’s getting a call.

He swears his heart almost stops as he looks to the crap cell phone Steve sent him (he has developed a habit of carrying it with him from room to room), only to see that its quiet.

“Sir, you have an incoming call from Colonel James Rhodes.”

Tony runs his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath to recover from his honest to god near heart attack.

“What’s up platypus, you’re interrupting my Back to Black moment I’m having here.”

He hears some shuffling from Rhodey’s end, “Tony? I’ve got some news for you, and you better not freak out on me like that one Christmas back in ’05.”

Okay, so he is most definitely on his way to a heart attack now.

“That was one time Rhodey, and you know you can’t start a phone call with ‘I didn’t mean to break it Tony, I swear’.”

“Yeah yeah, listen Tones, I got a call from one of my military buddies and something big is going down.”

Right, this is gonna be great.

“How big? And how exactly am I involved?”

“Germany big, and I suspect you’re going to be getting a call from Ross soon.”

Sure enough, FRIDAY informs him of an incoming call, caller ID reading Thaddeus Ross.

“Aww, I can’t even not pick up so I can watch the line blink.”

“Stay safe Tony, I can’t be there to pick your ass up off the floor anymore.”

Rhodey hangs up, and Tony sighs already feeling the impending migraine he’s going to be sporting.

FRIDAY puts the call through, “Stark! We’ve got a situation; Avengers are a go.”

That’s the story of how Tony ends up on a jet to Germany.

So much for taking a break from saving the damn world.

 

-

 

The situation was this; some goon has set up several drone’s armed with explosives in hot spots of, guess where?

Leipzig, Germany.

Tony can’t believe he’s back here.

On second thought, he can believe he’s back here, because when is his life not an episode of a ridiculously dramatic soap opera. Catch the cliffhanger finale, Monday morning 10am Eastern/9am Central.

What’s left of his team; Natasha and Vision, are a few hours behind him on a separate jet. Tony won’t lie, he’ll admit he’s feeling a little lost. Going from a team of seven to three is disorientating to say the least. And not having Rhodey here as a buffer between him and Ross is looking to be a challenge.

But all the years Tony’s had in military business have taught him to grin and bear it, especially when all you want to do is punch a pack of smug old white men in the face.

Ross had informed him that they’re going to need air support while trying to “negotiate” with the suspect. Tony knows negotiate means figuring out the best way to take him out swiftly and discreetly.

Tony’s headed to the scene now where he’ll meet up with Vision and Natasha to make a game plan.

He’s never liked being put in charge of a team, but he hasn’t got much of a choice now.

 

-

 

No mission ever goes strictly as scheduled, so Tony was expecting some hiccups.

He was not expecting Natasha to take a hit on the side as they were rounding on the jerk trying to blow them all to hell.

It looks to just be a graze but the sight of blood on his favorite resident spy has Tony feeling queasy with worry, Natasha never has more than a hair out of place. He yells for Vision to get her to medical, as he aims toward the direction their opponent ran in.

Except when Tony finally catches up to him, he’s already being taken care of.

As in two men are strong-arming the guy.

Tony’s frozen with confusion for about 10 seconds, until he sees the blond hair tucked into the hat of one of the men.

Now that queasy feeling he had in his gut has multiplied.

Tony would know that brick like physique anyway, not that he’d admit that. He’s honestly not entirely sure if he’s dreaming this or not. Does he remember waking up this morning?

Shit.

“Sir, should I prepare the suit’s defenses?” FRIDAY seems to have caught on faster than him, but Tony’s words feel caught somewhere in his throat.

The man he thought was Steve, is now definitely Steve as he turns and catches Tony’s still form. Tony can see that he has Sam with him, both dressed in casual clothes, much different from the last time he saw either of them.

The attacker is out cold beneath them, Tony feels a sense of jealousy, how dare he cause this mess and leave Tony with the cleanup.

Steve takes a step towards him, but thinks better of it when FRIDAY raises one of Tony’s repulsors charged to fire. She’s still pretty pissed about Siberia.

Tony feels dizzy. And so completely lost.

“Tony…” Steve starts to remove his sunglasses but stops.

“Cap, we’ve got to get a move on.” Sam interrupts the stand-still, throwing worried glances to the security cameras that Ross is sure to be watching.

Steve looks back at Sam, nodding solemnly, casting Tony one more glance before they’re both running off, after fishing something out of the unconscious criminal’s pocket.

 

Tony should have eaten something before this, because suddenly FRIDAY’s shouting vitals at him that aren’t making much sense, and he’s falling back into darkness.

 

-

 

There’s only a few things that honestly send a chill down Tony’s spine, and one of them happens to be waking up to Natasha’s smiling face. His brain goes flight or fight and he makes a half attempt at sitting up, before she pushes him back down.

“Relax Stark, you hit your head pretty hard when you went down.”

Tony finally notices their back on the jet home, a blanket draped across him. He’s got one hell of a headache and he’s grateful for the pills and water Natasha hands him.

“Jesus, what a shit show. You got hit? How’s your side?”

“It was just a flesh wound, takes a lot more to get me down.” She flashes him her signature smirk, and then grows serious.

“Rogers, huh?”

Tony sighs, so he didn’t dream that all up.

“What in the fuck was he doing there Tash?”

Natasha glances around them before coming in closer, “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out. Ross was pissed, he wanted to keep you in medical until you woke up, but I convinced him you wouldn’t be much help with a concussion.”

“Wow Natasha, who knew you’d be my knight in shining armor, I’m weirdly equal parts scared and turned on.”

She raises one brow, “Keep it in your pants Tony, I’m going to get some shut eye before we land, you should too.”

For once it’s easy for Tony to slip quietly back asleep, the exhaustion of the day sinking him under.

 

-

 

Tony wants to avoid thinking about Steve, but all these feelings have emerged from seeing him again. It’s been 72 hours since the mission and Tony’s only grown angrier since.

Who the hell did Steve think he was? He wanted nothing to do with Avengers business or Tony, and then shows up at a mission. And what had they taken? Tony only remembered that after he had awoken on the jet, making sure to pass the info to Natasha. She had given him a curt nod, and a half smile before strutting off to do spy things.

Now he was back in his workshop at the compound and feeling more confused than before.

He wants to get drunk and fuck off any responsibility, but Rhodey’s been calling to check in, and is coming up in a few days to try out the adjustments Tony made to his braces. Not to mention, FRIDAY’s been giving him the cold shoulder since he didn’t let her blow Steve to bits, she can be very vindictive when she wants to be.

Seeing Steve had been…both heartbreaking and relieving.

Relieving because Tony didn’t know if Steve was even still alive, and heartbreaking because he’s still harboring all these feelings towards the ex-Captain.

He feels stunted somehow, all that Steve had said to him was one goddamn word? Sure, Tony was in fucking shock, who wouldn’t be. But he feels like he deserved way more than that.

Were they not friends for years before this mess? Oh, right. Let’s not bring up the ‘He’s my friend’ situation.

His anger roars back to life again, and Tony’s crossing the room to grab the shitty flip phone that’s been mocking him for weeks.

If Steve wants to only give him one measly word, Tony will give him two back.

He punches out the message and hits send.

[5:21 P.M.] **Fuck You.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: lyrics belong to Harry Styles.


	3. Carolina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony's texts are in bold and steve's italic

_I wanna scream, yeah, I wanna shout it out and I hope s(he) hears me now._

Patience isn’t one of Tony’s strong suits. Being born into a family worth billions, he’s never had to wait for anything material he’s wanted. His father Howard was inpatient in all aspects of his life, excluding his never-ending search for the one and only Captain America.

Tony’s last memory of true patience, was back in Afghanistan.

The memory is frayed and fuzzy after all these years, but Tony remembers it was around the 35-day mark of his kidnapping and Yinsen had suggested a moment of meditation. He remembers laughing, Tony’s life had always been non-stop high energy since he could remember, when had he ever had time for something like meditating. But Yinsen eventually convinced him over a cup of tea, that was tasting less and less like dirt every passing day.

It had been hard, trying to let their surroundings fade into the background, near impossible. Yinsen instructed him to focus on his breathing and the way his body moves in time with it. At first Tony, could only feel the arc reactor constantly humming in his chest, the caked-on grime sealed to his skin from weeks with no shower.

But eventually the sounds of shouts from within the cave and the crackle of the fire in front of them fizzle out, and he’s one with his body, mind clear. Yinsen had shot him that smug smile of his after 20 minutes of peaceful silence, and Tony’s heart aches when he thinks of the innocent man, who he had shared something so personal with.

He hasn’t had a single cup of tea since.

 

-

 

Tony regrets the text immediately.

Dropping the phone that feels like it’s burning a metaphorical hole through his hand. Why must he always be so damn impulsive?

His stomach has dropped through the floor and Tony’s filled with dread.

God, he can’t handle this.

Tony snatches the phone off the workshop floor, shoving it into his back pocket before power walking to the closest liquor cabinet.

Fuck all logic and reasoning, he’s a man with a plan as he fills a glass with the amber liquid. Only breathing clearly after the first gulp.

He shakily wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and lets out a scoff at how ridiculous this all is.

Steve is who knows how many miles away and yet his presence haunts Tony like a shadow.

He sits in the common room for an hour and mulls over all his greatest fuck ups in life, this makes at least the top 20.

Tony downs the rest of his glass and sends up a silent prayer that this is all a fucked-up dream, before retiring to his bed to pass the hell out.

 

-

 

There’s about 30 seconds where Tony wakes up peacefully.

Then he remembers the night before and shoots up, fumbling towards the night stand to grab the Steve Phone™.

Tony flips it open and there’s 2 missed calls and 1 unread text message.

[2:19 A.M.] _i’m sorry_

He contemplates writing back for a full 5 minutes before decides it honestly can’t get any worse than it’s been.

[7:03 A.M.] **For what Rogers? Busting in unannounced on my team’s mission or trying to guillotine me 3 months ago?**

Tony fights against the onslaught of memories surfacing of the Siberia fight, he can’t afford another panic attack right now. If he were to ever get a bout of retrograde amnesia, now would be the perfect time, c’mon universe.

He’s up and out of his bed, phone abandoned in the mess of his covers.

A dozen cups of coffee and a bottle of aspirin sound like heaven.

 

-

 

Tony wishes he could say he doesn’t dive-bomb onto the phone when he hears the ping of a text message. But well, fuck it, he’ll have FRIDAY delete all evidence later.

For now, the phone is in his hands and he’s well past the point of no return.

Flipping open the screen, Tony’s heart is already picking up its beat.

[9:25 A.M.] _i never wanted to hurt you_

He snorts loudly, is this actually happening right now.

[9:26 A.M.] **I’d appreciate some of that All-American wholehearted honesty here, Rogers.**

[9:26 A.M] _i am being honest_

[9:27 A.M.] _id like for us to talk tony_

That sends a river of emotions through Tony.

[9:28 A.M.] **That’s funny Cap, I remember trying to get you to talk, more than once.**

Is Steve really going to try and do this shit now? He’s going to need to put in an order for more of his favorite whiskey.

[9:29 A.M.] _please_

[9:29 A.M.] _i want to try and fix this_

Tony has to stop himself from crunching the flimsy plastic of the phone in his hands from his tight grip.

[9:30 A.M.] **Fix this? I’m pretty sure “this” is beyond fixable. You can’t slap a fucking bandaid on an open wound.**

[9:31 A.M.] **It was a mistake texting you, let’s just go back to our respective silences.**

[9:31 A.M.] _NO please tony_

But Tony’s already opening a random drawer and slamming it shut after tossing the phone in, out of sight out of mind.

“FRIDAY, some tunes, loud. You know what I like.”

Pulling up the latest emails from Pepper, Tony soldiers through the feeling in his gut, pushing to get back to his automatic numbness.

 

-

 

It’s easy to ignore the buzzing from his desk for the first 5 hours.

Goddamn Rogers and his relentless “I can do this all day” bullshit.

Tony pulls the stupid phone out to turn it off, but then something in him decides against it.

There’s 5 messages waiting.

[10:01 A.M.] _i just want to work this out tony_

[11:43 A.M.] _its been weird without you_

[12:12 P.M.] _its been weird not living in the compound_

[1:17 P.M.] _please_

[2:12 P.M.] _ill tell u why me and sam were in germany_

Tony narrows his eyes at the last one, he really, _really_ wants to know.

He lets out a sigh before giving in.

[2:33 P.M.] **Tell me more…**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update, life n all that always hits at the worst times. i hope to get back to daily updates :)


	4. Two Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this gets too jokey at times, i can't resist when it comes to rhodey/tony scenes

 

_We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat._

If someone told Tony he’d be having a conversation with Steve Rogers while tucking into his dinner from his favorite Thai place, he would have laughed in their face. Alas, this just seems to be his life now.

A surprise around every corner.

Speaking of surprises, it seems Steve didn’t expect Tony to reply, because now he’s being stingy with the details.

[6:54 P.M.] **C’mon Rogers, I’m gonna need more than the basic you're taking down Hydra shtick.**

[6:56 P.M.] id appreciate it if you’d answer my calls

Oh, yeah, that’s a big no. Tony had sent both calls from Steve straight to voicemail, he can barely handle texting. He doesn’t want to imagine trying to suffer through a phone call.

[6:57 P.M.] **No can-do Cap, now get back to the details.**

[6:57 P.M.] _youre insufferable_

Well, duh.

[6:58 P.M.] _me n sam have been running a mission for the past 2 months. we got intel that hydra has been in the market of kidnapping people again. we need to find out why._

[7:00 P.M.] **And so the guy in Germany, he knew something?**

[7:00 P.M.] _yes_

Hmm. Tony knows he’s only getting a small percent of the story, but he’ll leave it for now.

Why would Steve go out of his way to risk getting arrested in Germany? There’s something he’s missing.

With Rhodey coming up to the compound tomorrow, he’s got other things to worry about.

[7:03 P.M.] **Well, this was a great talk. But I’m busy so Au Revoir Capitaine.**

[7:03 P.M.] _wait_

[7:03 P.M.] _can we discuss us now_

The thing is, Tony doesn't know what to say.

It hasn’t even been 100 days since Siberia, and yet he feels so changed.

There’s a part of him still in that bunker, on the cold hard concrete.

Bleeding mouth and fractured soul.

Tony has a lot of experience with having broken pieces of him left behind in the dark.

Texting Steve has brought up a lot of buried feelings he’s not ready to sift through. He’s not sure if he’ll ever be.

[7:07 P.M.] **I’m not sure that’s the best idea. We’re not known for being masters at civil conversations.**

And yet Tony has memories of sitting in companionable silence, Steve with a sketchbook in his hands and Tony with his tablet.

He hasn’t let himself dwell too much on the utter loneliness he’s felt, those memories feel like years ago. When they were merely just a few months’ past.

All of that was before now, and if there’s one thing Tony has learned about his life on earth; you can’t stop the bad things from happening. And you certainly can’t change them once they do.

Murphy’s Law is a son of a bitch.

 

-

 

Tony waited a full 10 minutes with no reply before heading off to his workshop. Maybe Steve finally realized that they’re past help.

He knows he’s probably just projecting his sour mood, it’s more likely Steve was just busy cracking Hydra skulls. But, still you can’t sue him for being a grump. The Stark family has always had cutthroat lawyers on payroll anyways, if you dare to try.

Tony’s in his workshop, cleaning up some scrap metal he has laying around. Rhodey’s braces are prepared and ready for another test run tomorrow, so it’s all just a waiting game from here.

He’s been getting better at that, waiting.

He has some other small projects he should get a head start on.

But.

There’s just a feeling inside him that’s holding him back.

Leave it to Steve to awake something in him, not even anger, but…longing.

He gives up on the cleanup duty and calls for FRIDAY to lock down the lab as he makes his way to bed, calling it an early night.

 

-

 

“I’m only gone for a few weeks and you look like hell has opened up and swallowed you.”

Tony spins around from his place at the kitchen counter, awaiting his first cup of liquid gold of the day.

“Honey-bear, you’re back! And thanks for the compliment, sheesh.”

He’s been avoiding mirrors, so Tony’s not even sure what the hell he looks like. He did shower before bed last night though, so it can’t possibly be _that_ bad. Rhodey’s always been a drama queen when it comes to him, what a mama-bear. Tony loves it.

“FRIDAY, I want you to put in the biggest order at the nearest IHOP, we’re gonna need the whole damn menu.”

“Right away Colonel Rhodes, shall I get an extra order of bacon?”

“Damn right you’re gonna get extra bacon.”

 

-

 

After Rhodey has successfully stuffed Tony full of various breakfast foods, he seems satisfied enough to let Tony lead them into the workshop to get started on the tests for his upgraded braces.

“Any complaints? Suggestions?”

Tony’s watching Rhodey take a few laps around the room, already noting down in his head a few adjustments.

“So, you talked to him, didn’t you?”

Tony’s not even surprised Rhodey’s sniffed him out.

“I…might have sent him a certain two-word text, which lead to a few more.”

Rhodey’s stopped to sit down, already winded by the small workout. Tony has to force the grimace off his face, he’ll get Rhodey back to top shape, whatever it takes.

“And what exactly did that conversation entail?”

“Aww sour-patch, are you trying to find out if the mean old Captain threatened me?”

Rhodey quirks an eyebrow at him, “Wanna find out if we’ll be having another superhero war, more like.”

Tony scrubs a hand down his face, no way in hell does he want to go through that again.

“No, much less exciting than all that. He wanted to do the impossible and attempt to repair the metaphorical dam between us.”

Rhodey’s face gives nothing away as he takes a swig out of his water bottle.

“So, are you gonna let him?”

That makes Tony stop his typing, and bite his lip. Will he? He’s not sure and he doesn’t even know if its repairable at this point.

“It’s too late Rhodey, what’s done is done.”

“It wasn’t too late for you to get out of the weapons business, or to stop Ultron from blowing up the planet.”

Tony spins around to face him, “That’s different and you know it! This…this feels way worse.”

This was lies, and pain, and something Tony doesn’t let himself think about. Love.

“You can’t bullshit me Tones, I’ve known you too damn long. That’s why I know you're hurting and I’m worried about you. I don’t want a repeat of after New York, you were in a bad way and wouldn't let me help. I won’t let that happen again.”

Tony wilts at that, “You ever gonna let that go? Jeez, a man has a few panic attacks and gets his house blown into the Pacific and he can never live it down.”

“Help me back into my chair, and then we’re gonna have a drink and a meeting of the Tony Stark Needs to Stop Self-Sabotaging Club.”

Tony loves this man.

 

-

 

Tony’s in bed later that night, feeling better than he has in weeks.

A ping from his left alerts him, breaking the silence of his darkened room.

To be honest, Tony had forgotten about the phone and the conversations it holds.

[11:08 P.M.] _sorry about yesterday i got tied up_

[11:08 P.M.] _you don’t give us enough credit, we’re better at conversations than u think_

Tony thinks back to what Rhodey and he had discussed, about him cutting off his automatic defense wall he throws up around Steve. Not everything is a jab.

But it’s so difficult, after everything that went down not to be defensive. He was left in that bunker alone. And it’s how he’s felt since.

[11:09 P.M.] **Give me one example where we had a conversation that didn’t end in a fight.**

[11:09 P.M.] _pineapple on pizza_

Tony lets out a laugh, he remembers that like it was yesterday.

[11:10 P.M.] **I swore Clint was gonna throw up watching us eat that whole box.**

Tony’s smile falls off his face, memories of movie nights with the team, and dumb debates over fruit on pizza seem like a lifetime ago.

He had found a family in them.

[11:11 P.M.] **It’s different now, it won’t ever be like it was.**

It hurts to realize this. Tony’s mood has dropped dramatically.

[11:12 P.M.] _does that mean we should give it up?_

[11:13 P.M.] **It means we should stop beating a dead horse Rogers, and stop pretending like we ever knew each other at all.**

Tony throws the phone across the bed after slapping it shut, it’s just not going to happen.

No matter how much Tony misses the man and the rest of his team, he can’t open himself up to be hurt again.

Steve makes him feel like he’s exposed and all his nerves are free for him to poke.

Tony’s fine with hiding out in his compound and licking his wounds.

Or at least he’ll keep telling himself that.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um, who else wants to join the Tony Needs to Stop Self-Sabotaging Club? show of hands


	5. Sweet Creature

_I always think about you and how we don’t speak enough_

Tony sends off Rhodey with a hug and promise to check-in within a few days. Rhodey taking his braces with him, to get in some more practice with his physical therapist.

There’s a brighter aura around Tony, that usually comes with spending time with his oldest and closest friend. Is there anything better in the world than knowing someone will always stand beside you, even when the going gets tough? Tony’s lucky he hasn’t pushed Rhodey away, given his many mess-ups throughout the years.

He has about thirty seconds’ peaceful silence, before he’s getting a phone call.

FRIDAY informs him it’s Thaddeus Ross.

“Let it ring Fri, if it’s that important he’ll leave a message.”

He would rather avoid the headache that comes with speaking to the man.

It’s also 8am and Tony Stark does not do business before his first cup of coffee.

No exceptions.

 

-

 

It’s awhile later and Tony’s grabbing some tools to burn through some SI projects. He realizes he hasn’t spoken to Natasha since the mission. It’s been a little over a week now, and while that’s not unusual for her to drop off the face of the earth from time to time, Tony is still a worry-wart.

“FRIDAY, send Tash a message will ya? Ask her for any updates and when she’ll be back.”

He and Natasha have been through a lot, she’s the one he’s known the longest, after Rhodey. Who knew you can grow close to a person, while dying from Palladium poisoning.

So, after the dust had settled from the fight with Steve, she visited him in the hospital.

Tony still wanted to be mad at her from their conversation when Rhodey’s diagnosis was up in the air. His comment about her not being able to shake the double agent act was petty, and he knew it, that’s why he said it. Their friendship has always been full of insults, going straight for the jugular. And despite all that, at the end of the day still protecting each other fiercely.

They had taken one look at each other in his hospital room, and knew that they would be fine.

He had apologized for his remark, even though he defended that it felt justified.

She took his hand and apologized for not telling him about Bucky’s involvement in his parents’ deaths. Explaining how she felt that it wasn’t her place to reveal that to him, but then realized how she had been wrong about that.

Tony was upset at her, at the situation they had all wound-up in.

But he also needed her, so he swallowed his anger, accepting her apology while still being cautious. If he had lost her too in this split, he’s not sure he’d still be standing.

He had gotten Ross to cut her some slack, and not arrest her for letting Steve make off with their Quinjet. It hadn’t been easy, and he’s sure he’ll be paying for it some way later, but with the Avengers being so low on team members, she’s an asset. And a friend.

So much of this could have been avoided with communication.

A lot of pain could have been spared.

Tony gets a “Be back in 2 days.” text from Natasha, he didn’t expect much else.

Until then, he’s got some spare time on his hands.

 

-

 

[3:42 P.M.] _if i call, will you pick up?_

Tony’s ready to type out a quick reply of ‘No’ when said phone starts to ring.

Okay, fine, let’s make this quick and painless. Steve can realize that this is bound to fail.

He connects the call.

“Tony? You answered.”

And oh.

He hadn’t expected Steve to sound like that…almost relieved?

“…Tony? Can you hear me?”

Tony opens his mouth to say something, anything. Steve beats him to it.

“I can hear you breathing Tony.”

He’s shaken from his stupor at that, and lets out a sigh.

“What do you want, Rogers?”

Tony is trying to put as much disinterest in his voice as he can, here’s hoping Steve can take a hint.

“Our messages haven’t been going the way I want them to, believe it or not I don’t want to anger you.”

“You saying that you don’t want to make me angry, makes me angry.”

He hears Steve let out a breath, and shuffle the phone around, “I’m sorry Tony, I am.”

“Look Steve, I don’t doubt it, but we’re a little way past a sorry helping our situation here.”

Aren’t they?

“I know, I still wanted to say it.”

Steve sounds somber, and Tony feels a twitch in his chest.

“We both made sacrifices, we have to live with them now.”

Tony’s got an empty compound to prove it.

“I didn’t expect it to happen the way it did Tony, none of us did.”

“Lies tend to be revealed when you least expect them to.”

He has to bite down on his tongue, to stop from letting more bitterness seep out.

This was a mistake.

“Tony, you have to understand, I never wanted you to find out that way.”

Tony lifts the phone away from his ear, while pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t have to understand anything Rogers, you couldn’t understand when I was extending you that olive branch in Berlin, why am I held to a higher standard?”

“That olive branch, was a barbed wire bat Tony.”

Oh, now Steve sounds frustrated. Welcome to the fucking club.

“Now I wish it was Cap, come back home we could go a few more rounds.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Try me.”

There’s a muffled voice in the background from Steve’s end, but Tony can’t make out what they’re saying.

“I’ve got to go Tony, please remember what I said in the letter I sent, I’m sorry.”

Steve hangs up and he’s left standing in his empty workshop.

All the anger he had a minute ago disappeared, and Tony’s left with a pounding headache.

A few drinks and some extra strength migraine pills it is, then.

 

-

 

Tony’s nursing one hell of a hangover when he wakes up at noon the next day. He doesn’t know why in God’s name he decided sleeping on a couch in the common room was a smart move.

He stumbles over to the kitchen sink to get rid of possibly the worst cotton-mouth he’s ever had.

Just as he’s bending over to stick his mouth under the faucet, someone comes bounding into the room.

Tony fumbles, spraying most of the water straight up his nose and then down his shirt, effectively drowning himself.

“Jesus Christ!”

Tony whips around scrubbing the water out of his eyes, to see Natasha standing across the island from him.

“Warn a guy before sneaking up on him! …Why are you back so early?”

Natasha’s breathing hard and has a look in her eyes that shakes Tony.

He stops dead in his tracks, “What is it?”

“They need our help Tony; it was a trap.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *me clutching my mug close to me as i sip my tea* soooo...thoughts?


	6. Only Angel

_I got splinters in my knuckles crawling ‘cross the floor._

“Where the hell is it, god damnit.”

Tony’s bent over the couch shoving the cushions aside, on his quest to find the phone Steve gave him.

Somehow between his first glass of whiskey last night and now, it’s vanished into thin air.

“Forget the phone Tony, we need a plan.”

She’s still standing in her spot at the kitchen island, poised and ready to strike.

Giving up his search, Tony slumps back onto the couch, massaging his temples.

“Explain Tash, I need details.”

The headache he’s sporting is one for the history books.

Natasha breaks her stance, and moves to sit beside him.

“After our last mission, things didn’t feel right, I took a closer look.”

Tony’s about to interrupt her to tell her to get to the more important part when she chimes in again.

“Turns out, that guy in Germany, was planted, and you’re not going to like by who.”

“I don’t like any of this, may as well just state that now.”

Natasha sends him a grim smile, “It was Ross, I got in contact with a few people who owe me favors, and Ross has a bone to pick with our rogue team.”

Unbelievable. Tony thought he was done with this shit.

“So what, Ross wants to drag Steve and Co. back here and lock them up?”

“No Tony, he wants to get rid of them, permanently.”

Christ.

“You’re telling me, that the Secretary of State is planning to actually kill Captain America? How would he even get that sanctioned through the accords and the UN?”

Tony knew Ross was off his rocker but to attempt this, it doesn’t make any sense. Does the guy have a death wish? Then, he remembers Ross’ shoot on sight orders from back in Berlin, and he’s not so surprised. The man is not one to back down from a fight, or handle losing one so easily.

“That’s the thing, this wasn’t sanctioned, because Ross has flown the coop and gone on a secret side mission. He’s got a good-sized team behind him, and he’s not going to hesitate in using all the force he needs, he’s had a vendetta since the Raft breakout.”

Tony can feel his adrenaline spiking, but they must be careful about this, the last thing he needs is to be seen breaking the accords and letting Ross know they’ve caught him out.

He’s reminded of his past few conversations with Steve, and how the other man had mentioned something about Hydra and kidnappings. Tony says as much to Natasha and she doesn’t look surprised.

“My contact told me about Ross using his own team to stage what looked like kidnappings around Europe, specifically in places where Hydra had ties in the past, what better way to get Captain America caught in your trap than by using his biggest enemy since the 40’s.”

Tony hates that that makes sense. He hates that any of this is happening, and right after the phone call he had with Steve.

He’s got a choice now, to save Steve and the rest of his old team from getting caught in this, or does he finally wash his hands of this mess and let it be?

Who’s he kidding, there was never a choice.

“FRIDAY get Vision over here, we have a plan to sketch out.”

 

-

 

As far as plans go, it’s not a terribly bad one, Tony’s just not happy about it.

They’re on a jet heading to Scotland of all places. They being him and Natasha, while Vision is off to start on his side of the plan.

The thing is, Tony does care about Steve and his ex-team, but damn does he resent them right now.

He had warned them all, Steve especially. Now he’s putting his ass on the line, and he’s deeply regretting agreeing to this already.

Natasha can be a master of persuasion at the best of times, she had laid it on thick and Tony ate it right up.

He never found where the crappy little phone went, so they had no way of just texting Steve to turn his ass around and run for the hills.

Not that Steve would be keen to believe him anyways, with how their last conversation went.

Tony’s got a strange wave of deja-vu wash over him, the last time he’d gone traipsing after Steve was Siberia and that had ended so well. Plus, he had gone there as a friend, now what, he’s going as the guy who can’t leave well enough alone?

Christ, he needs a drink. But Natasha is already casting glances at him every few seconds, so that will just have to wait, if they make it out of this.

Sleeping is also a no-go, he has to make do with staring out the window and wonder what’s going to be awaiting them in Edinburgh.

 

-

 

Tony’s expected Ross to have this go down in some abandoned castle looking type place, isn’t that the go-to secret mission location? But, he and Natasha are in casual clothes a few blocks away from a seemingly ordinary office building that’s 6 floors high. Sign number one that this was going to be difficult.

“Let’s go around back, we can have FRIDAY scan for heat signatures.” Natasha casually walks off and Tony starts doing long division in his head for a couple minutes before following, as to not look suspicious. Also, because math makes him happy.

The nerves are starting to kick in now, and Tony wishes he had a suit with him. There’s one waiting back on the jet for him, but with what they’re doing here, it would receive unwanted attention.

He catches up to Natasha and they crouch down behind a short wall leading up to a back entrance. “FRIDAY, what do we got?” Tony switches his regular sunglasses out for the ones with a HUD installed into them.

“3 heat signatures Boss, all carrying high powered rifles.”

Tony curses, they’re outnumbered, but then, Natasha is making her way over to a window, handgun out, and casually jumping through it.

So…they’re doing this then, he has half a mind to get his ass out of there, but he’d like to keep it and Natasha is deadly when pissed off.

Arming his gauntlet watch, Tony takes long strides, going through the door like any normal non-suspicious upstanding citizen.

Natasha buzzes in on the comm, “ _I’ve got one down.”_

Tony follows the sounds of heavy boots on linoleum floor, and stays close to the corners.

His heartbeat is loud in his ears.

Just as he hears someone about to cross over the threshold of the wall he’s hugging, Tony lunges forward, getting a good grip on the offender’s shoulders and knocking his head into the wall.

Theres a good few seconds of heavy breathing before the soldier passes out and then total silence.

“Looks like we’re tied, loser buys the other dinner?”

“ _You’re on, get ready to shell out a pretty penny for the sushi you’ll be buying me.”_

Just as Tony’s about to retort back, theres a loud bang from the floor above and his spine stiffens.

“Widow, was that you?”

There’s a beat of silence from his comm before, “ _No.”_

Shit.

“FRIDAY, is Vision still on standby?”

“Yes Boss, shall I give him the go ahead?”

Tony finds the door to the stairwell and peeks his head in before deeming it empty, “No, wait for my signal, Widow I’m at the stairs, your location?”

The door pushes open before he can get an answer and Natasha is walking in close behind him.

They’re walking in sync up the first flight of stairs, “You think it’s more of Ross’ men, or…” Tony doesn't have to specify who.

Natasha only slightly opens the door to the second floor for a second, to try and get a look. Instead of answering she just shakes her head.

Tony goes to stand in front of the door to see if he can get a read on his HUD.

“There’s 2 bodies around the corner, seem to be taking a mid afternoon nap, I guess we’re not alone.”

He can’t see anyone else on the floor so he and Natasha move through and toward the knocked-out soldiers.

Okay, this is getting real, either someone else is fighting these guys for fun, or Steve and whoever are merely floors apart from them.

Tony feels nauseous.

“How the hell did they make it past the two downstairs?”

Natasha looks stricken for a moment, before her eyes widen and Tony has a second where feels like his insides are about to fall out from shock.

“Get down!” Natasha’s yelling now, and Tony hits the floor so hard he’s gonna have bruises across the entirety of his knees and shins.

An arrow whizzes past the spot he was previously occupying and Tony shouts out a curse.

Natasha pops in front of him quickly, guarding him from their guest.

“Move over Nat, I’m just getting started.”

“This isn’t the time nor the place, Clint.” Natasha puts her hands up placatingly, but Clint doesn't seem convinced and draws back his bow again.

Tony’s managed to scrape his bone marrow off the floor, and shakily stand up. “Shooting at me when my back is turned, seems a little cowardly of you, Barton.”

Clint sends a glare his way so heated, a lesser man would have gone up in flames in seconds, but Tony is not a lesser man.

“You’ve got some nerve coming here to try and get us locked up again.”

Figures that’s what he thinks, Tony’s good deeds seem to always be taken the wrong way lately.

Natasha has her gun up now, “We’re wasting time, we’re here to help you Clint, this is a trap.”

Clint’s frown deepens and he talks quietly into his comm, likely informing the rest of his team he’d caught them. “Cap? You there?” Clint’s voice is louder now, concerned.

Tony can see on Clint’s face when he gets no response back. Swallowing down his own anxiety, Tony steps forward, “Ross set this up, he wasn’t too happy with your escape from underwater Azkaban.”

The archer sighs but ultimately lets up on his draw and nods his head toward the stairway to the next floor.

“So, do you have a plan?”

Natasha and Tony exchange a look, “Sorta.”

Clint stops and deadpans at them, “You followed us all the way here, to only sort of have a plan?”

Another look casted between Tony and Natasha, “It’s not completely foul-proof, but it’s what we had time to come up with,” Natasha adds to try and wipe the disbelieving look off Clint’s face.

It doesn't work.

“God help us all.”

Tony snorts, Amen to that.

They’ve made it up to the third floor and are about to turn a corner when Tony get’s a punch to his face with the butt of a rifle.

He’s flying backwards and hitting the floor, _hard_.

There’s some yelling and his vision is swimming, he can’t tell what’s up from down.

“C’mon Stark, let’s get you up.”

It takes Tony a moment to recognize the voice as Clint’s, and then there’s hands grabbing under his arms to hoist him up.

Blinking several times, his vision mostly clears and he sees one of Ross’ men out cold on the floor. His glasses are done for, as they cracked on the impact and are now pathetically tossed aside on the floor.

Painfully aware of the throbbing on the left side of his face, Tony reaches up to poke at his cheekbone, fingers coming back tinged with blood.

Great.

But they have no time to dawdle, and make it up two more floors unscathed, Tony now holding up the back, with his sore knees and bleeding cheek.

“Sam and Steve were heading to the top floor before they both went radio silent,” Clint explains while getting an arrow ready on his bow, “We were supposed to be meeting up with an informant, someone who knew what Hydra was trying to pull.”

“Hydra being Ross, and those ‘kidnappings’ all staged, he pulled out all the stops for this,” Natasha reminds bitterly.

Clint’s face has gone sour, “Y’know I’m really pissed he pulled one over on us.”

Tony steps up to clap a hand on his shoulder, “Let’s go get him back.”

 

-

 

The only sound coming from the top floor is the occasional footstep, most likely as soon as they open the door they’ll be bombarded with Ross’ men.

Clint had tried to make his way up into the vents but they had been too small.

So, they’re back to Plan A of busting in gun’s blazing and hoping for the best.

Tony now equipped with a stun baton pried from one of the soldier’s belts, they all stand poised in front of the 6th floor’s entrance.

With one last look at each other, Clint kicks the door open and Tony tenses at the sound of rifles clicking as they’re aimed at the team of three.

Natasha doesn’t hesitate to start firing away and clearing a path for Clint to run through and take out a handful of men with his arrows.

Tony sees one of the soldiers run off and down the hall, he dodges the punches Natasha’s now handing out and runs off after him.

There’s only one thing that soldier could be running to and that’s Steve and Sam.

As he makes it to the end of the hall, his peripheral vision catches one of the doors slamming shut, bingo.

He takes a deep breath before shooting a repulsor blast at the door’s lock and kicking it open.

He’s met with two soldiers, a tied-up Sam, and a cuffed bloodied Steve.

Sam has a gun aimed at his forehead and Steve looks murderous as he’s cuffed to a metal pole lining the wall using magnetic handcuffs.

Tony barely has time to blink before his body moves on autopilot, lunging toward the man aiming at Sam and getting a hard kick in, up into the family jewels, stunning him after with the baton for good measure as the soldier falls to the floor.

Spinning around and facing the other man, who has stupidly taken a few steps back, Tony catches a look from Steve and instantly a plan is formed.

Tony fakes that he’s about to run up, and the soldier takes one more step back, just close enough for Steve to pull up on the metal bar and get his leg’s wrapped around him.

The soldier flails and drops his gun, Tony dashes for it, snatching it off the floor and aiming it straight at the man’s heart.

“Where the hell is Ross?”

Tony pushes the gun harder into the man’s chest when he doesn’t get an answer.

He can smell the rust from the blood Steve’s covered in, his stomach turns and he has to grind his teeth, and swallow multiple times, to get a hold on himself.

Steve’s panting as his grip around the man’s waist gets tighter, constricting the soldiers breathing.

He finally gasps out a reply, “He-He’s on a helicopter heading here now, I just called him 5 minutes ago.”

Fuck, they need to move quick.

“FRIDAY, tell Vision he’s up, and we need it done 5 minutes ago.”

Tony goes back to glaring daggers into the man’s face before knocking him out with one punch to his face.

Steve sags back against the wall, his eyes meet Tony’s, and Tony can practically see the questions behind the look but they don’t have time.

He shoots a repulsor blast at the pole Steve’s cuffed to and after it breaks, he’s off helping Sam out of his binds.

Before anyone can speak, Natasha and Clint are at the doorway, looking exhausted but unharmed.

No one says a word as they race down six flights of stairs, and out of the back of the building.

Fresh air has never been so good.

“Vision was successful and is now heading back home, Boss.”

Tony casts a smile at Natasha, “Vision did it, Ross should be making an emergency u-turn right about now.”

He can’t bear to look at Steve, even though he’s barely 5 feet away. His headache is coming back full force now that the adrenaline is wearing off, and the exhaustion setting in.

“Well,” Tony starts, “This has been a great time, but we really ought to be going now, take this as your one free Tony Stark saves your ass card.”

Natasha stops him with a short, “Tony.”

He sighs, “Do you guys have a ride out of here?” He asks the question looking at Clint, because at least the archer is less pissed off from before.

“We drove here, parked the van down the street,” Steve answers instead, his voice strong but Tony catches the hint of weariness in it.

They all head down to where their get-away van is parked, using back alleys to avoid any citizens.

Steve looks like an extra from a horror movie set, and Tony’s face doesn’t look much better.

It’s all going as planned until they come upon the van and all four tires are slashed.

Steve has the dignity to at least look sheepish.

God, when will it end?

Natasha takes Tony aside as Sam and Clint start lecturing Steve on better van hiding spots.

“We can’t leave them here Tony, who knows if Ross’ll just send out more of his men?”

Tony’s pissed that she’s right, “What am I supposed to do? Let them all pile on the jet and take them back home with us?”

She raises her eyebrows, smiles, and waits until Tony gets the hint.

“Jesus,” Tony looks over and yells to shut the three musketeers up, “You're coming back with us, and no not to get locked up, stop looking at me like that Barton,” he sighs loudly, “it’s your choice, stay here and hitchhike or come with us.”

This was not part of their original plan.

Did he mention that he was pissed?

 

-

 

A genius, super solider, spy, archer, and a dude pretty good at flying all walk into a jet, what does this lead to?

Incredibly awkward silence.

Tony’s sitting at the back of the row of chairs, willing himself to pass out so he can avoid his life and pretend this isn't happening.

He almost gets comfortable enough to drop off, when someone sits roughly down next to him.

Tony peeks one eye open.

Sam gives him a curious look, “You really came all this way to help us?”

He sounds confused, like he can’t figure out why Tony did it.

Tony himself ultimately still doesn’t know, the pain it’s going to be to get Ross to leave him alone after this already has him stressed.

“You can thank Natasha, she was the one who figured it all out, I just provide the money to make it happen.” It sounds more bitter coming out then Tony meant for it to, but he’s not bothered to explain it differently.

And, he can feel himself clamming up, wanting to cut off all the emotions he can, until he can be alone to deal with them.

Sam just stares at him, long enough to have Tony shifting in his seat, before asking another question, “What did Vis do to get Ross the hell outta dodge?”

This, Tony can answer.

“He might have hacked into Ross’ home security system, set the sprinkler system off inside his house, then hacked into his home network and sent President Ellis a _very_ inappropriate insubordinate email, while also cleaning out his bank account by buying thousands of stocks into Facebook,” Tony explains smugly, “But that’s all just rumors and will never be supported by evidence.”

Sam huffs out a small disbelieving laugh while shaking his head, “I’m impressed.”

Tony had told Vision to go wild, and boy did the android not disappoint. He likes to think at least some of that was old remnants of JARVIS inside him.

After their short talk, Sam leaves to go sit next to a slumbering Steve, and Tony eventually dozes off with one thing on his mind.

Where the hell is he going to hide 3 wanted fugitives?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo, did this chapter give me some trouble
> 
> 3000 words later i made it out alive
> 
> send me your thoughts!


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